You are the best thing (that's ever been mine)
by Linneagb
Summary: Tracy never expected to meet her dad or have any siblings for that matter. But all of a sudden in the future she and Seth are trying to make their own life and marry, her mum suddenly shows up on the porch. and maybe Tracy will learn something brand new about herself and where she came from.
1. Mine

**I've had this idea on my mind for a while. But I wanted to finish some stories before I started it and here I am. The idea was given to me by the song mine by Taylor Swift and the music video to it. Check them out, both the song and the video are great. The title of this story is a line from the song.**

**And here we go.**

"…Here comes the bride, all dressed in white…"

Seth hummed while he riffled through pages upon pages with whatever wedding inspiration we needed. Which was much- the only thing we had so far was the promise and a candy ring with taste of strawberry.

(Not that it mattered, the candy ring Seth had been holding onto when he got down on one knee meant a thousand more than any diamond or gold in the world. But still we wanted to find something that could last and not fall off during the rest of our lives)

Oh, and of course we had decided on a time and place and then sent out invitations to all our friends and family.

"We would have to meet that priest someday, would we?" Seth asked. "But before then we need to decide on some song or hymn we want to have and then we're back on square one…"

"I'm sure we're going to find something and then it will just be right." I tried to promise him, but felt just as nervous as he seemed. "And we don't have to meet him in another couple of weeks. I'll go through every single love song in the whole world if it means that you'll finally be mine. All mine!"

"And you'll be mine." Seth smirked but kept his eyes on the computer, but did turned finally when there was a ring on the doorbell. "Are you expecting someone?"

"No."

I could hear Seth coming up a few steps behind me when I walked through the flat, and I could hear the doorbell ringing once again, and once again, and once again…

"I'M COMING."

In frustration I shouted just about one second before I ripped the door opened. Then was left frozen in the doorway when I saw who it was in the stairwell

"Tracy?"

It had been so long, so many years since I had last opened a door to find her standing. And she had changed, there were wrinkles in her skin and grey tresses in her hair I hadn't been there before. And something with the way she looked was just gone.

For the moment it didn't matter. She looked as much as an angel as she had that day she'd showed up on the dumping ground.

"Mum?"

"Is that my little girl?" She said with a shaky smile. "All grown up?"

Memories flashed by for my inner vision, the day at the hospital she had told me I had to move, the day she had finally come to the dumping ground and then soaked her with my glass of fizzy drink. The day she had made Cam promise she'd take good care of me and when I told her she could visit any time.

She'd never visited.

Until now.

"Excuse me." While I was still frozen Seth gently pushed me to the side and made his way out to the porch holding out his hand. "You must be Carly Beaker. My name is Seth and I'm…"

"You must be Tracy's future husband." Mum and Seth shook hands. "I've got to say… I wasn't expecting someone so… ordinary when I met her the last time years and years ago."

"Mum!"

"Don't worry Tracy." Mum seemed more nervous than I had seen her ever before. But then, so would I be in her position. "I'm not coming to split you up. I was just thinking about the day you were telling me that you were going to marry the most famous singer or actor and move to Hollywood."

I could feel anger running up in my chest. How dared she?

"Is that everything you have to say?" I fizzled in between my teeth. "Because as far as I remember you weren't invited to the wedding."

I had been thinking about doing it. It was just that Seth didn't know his biological parents and I didn't want to hurt him.

"I heard it from a friend and saw her invitation." Mum explained shortly. "I haven't come for that it's just that…. Before you married there was something I wanted to show you. Someone I'd like you to meet and… I would appreciate if you only come to meet him. I glanced behind her in the stairwell. "He's out on the street. So will you follow me."

I looked from my mum, then up to Seth and back to my mum. To come and try to insult Seth the first thing she did in more than ten years…

"It's okay Trace." Seth laid a hand on my shoulder. "I'll be right here if you want me. You just have to shout."

He continued after us while mum grabbed my hand and more or less pulled me down the stairwell so hard I almost fell. I would have said something or pull my hand out of hers. But I just couldn't make a move other than what I had to or say a single word. And even more so when we came out onto the pavement and a man stood leaned against the wall waiting for us and for my mum to say something.

"Tracy, this is Gavin. Gav, this is Tracy."

Silence fell around the pavement while mum looked back and forth from us two, seeming in loss of what to say next.

I knew, I must have known even though I'd never seen him before his pale skin and the grey streaks in his dark hair… I must have known.

"You're my father, aren't you?"

I had meant to say it out loud, but it had come out as barely more than a whisper, both this Gav and my mum heard me very clearly. Just as if I had shouted it out for the while neighborhood to hear.

"Yes." Gav answered at last and bobbed up his head up and down. "Yes I am."

_"What other secrets have you kept from me? Have I got a dad somewhere out there that I don't know about? Brothers? Sister? Am I twins?"_

What I had shouted and questioned when I had just started working at Elm Tree House and found the letter from my mum suddenly came back.

I guess the answer to the first was yes.

But I was pretty sure nobody else than my mum knew about him.

"I…" He hesitated. "I haven't seen you since you were a baby…" He had an American accent. "…And I came with my sons to let them meet their little half-sister…"

I guess the first two questions about what I had shouted was "yes"

I felt my breaths going heavier and heavier while I shook my head and backed away from my two parents.

Brothers?

No, nope. Absolutely not!

At last I span around and hurried back towards Seth who still stood on the porch, grabbed him by the hand and threw the door closed before I hurried up the stairwell to our flat on the second floor and didn't stop until that door was slammed as well and locked.

There was no point with trying to stop them or blame a made-up hay fever. The tears from all the times I'd been longing for my mum and wondered who on earth I was came up in tears that fell silently in Seth's shirt.

"Seth…" I whimpered at last. "What was that thing you said? I'm yours right? I'm you're mine. Can you say it again?"

I just needed to hear it to know that my mum and… dad would never be able to take me away from here and my whole life and what it had become before I was finally happy and in peace with who I was.

"You're all mine." Seth promised and rubbed my back. "All mine." He kissed the top of my hair. "But Tracy… what just happened?"

I looked up into his brown eyes, then remembered that he had never gotten the chance to know his biological family. And never gotten the chance to have a relationship with a father or a mother figure like I had had with Mike and Cam.

"Mum I haven't met for years…" I managed to whimper through the tears. "And suddenly she just shows up and tells me… I have a dad. And just like that… I have… brother… brothers?"

And how many of those brothers were there? Two? Three? Eight? Fifteen?

The word only sent me a new round of crying and I buried my face hard in Seth's shirt as if to hide from the world, especially from the two on the porch that I soon heard driving away again.

I wouldn't mind if I never saw them again…

"I have brothers?"

**Gav is portrayed by Peter Gallagher.**

**Random fact**

I didn't have the storylines with the brothers at first. It only came up when there were some celebrity look- alike's I wanted to use. But… I think I've got it now.


	2. Back to December

**I will post pictures of Tracy's wedding dress, and maybe when writing the wedding somebody else's clothes on my Instagram "Linneagbfanfiction" so if you want to see what it looks like, that's where you can get a picture.**

**And, as I probably should do in any story, especially those including Tracy, thanks to x snow- pony x for all her help with information and quotes.**

**Here we go.**

I had had my bridal dress hanging in my wardrobe for two months already now.

I had gotten it out to try it on I wouldn't know how many times, as if only to check if it still suited. But how much could my short, skinny but curvy body have changed since the last time I did it a few days ago.

"Are you alright there Tracy?" Seth suddenly knocked on the door and tugged the door handle. I had had to lock the door to our bedroom when I was in the bedroom. "You were pretty messed up a couple of hours ago so I just wanted to check."

"The door is locked. Don't come in here, it means bad luck for the future husband to see the dress before the wedding."

"Since when are you so superstitious?"

Since things had started going wrong. Since everything in my life had ended up going wrong.

But, one little voice said, most of them ended up going rightly in the end. I did end up in care but was at last adopted by Cam. I had used all of her money to publish my own book and I didn't think I'd found my dream job when I'd had it there all along. Neither Cam nor Seth had been anyone of those I'd seen in my dreams and certainly no favorites, but they had ended up the best and were certainly my favorites now.

"I'll be there in just a second."

"Should I order a pizza or something."

"I have the recipe and things to make a pasta, I was going to make it."

"Damn." I heard him on the other side of the door. "I was craving pizza."

"You're always craving for pizza Seth." I shouted back at him more and more annoyed. "just get it if you want. You're an adult person and you can decide for yourself what you want for dinner. But I need to watch my weight until the wedding so I'm not having it."

"You're not anywhere near fat Trace." Seth continued having heard the word behind what I had said. "You certainly don't need to watch your weight. And… I think you've had enough of thinking for one day. So I'm going to ban you from the kitchen and order some take in before you can pick something out."

"Why ask me if we're going to go with what you want anyway?"

"Uh come on Tracy, don't be like that!"

"Don't be like what?"

Seth sighed and gave me a meaningful glare. I knew exactly what he meant and stopped with my head against the kitchen counter as if I was preparing for a meal.

"Order a coke and one with ham and pineapple and then a coke for me please."

Seth's glare turned into a smirk. He must have known he was going to get this dinner his way from the start.

I went into the hallway and sat down on the bench, but didn't have the peaceful to sit still and continued with pacing back and forward. In the kitchen I could hear Seth talking in the kitchen and then heard his footsteps before he came into the hallway and pulled his arms around me to then look us both in the hallway mirror.

"We look pretty good together if you ask me. Can you imagine, that at first seconds of 2020, it will finally be you and me? Forever and for real. And all we have to do is to wait for December to run faster and Christmas to be over and give space for New Year's."

I walked over slowly towards the hallway windows and looked out on the cloudy, grey skies that were just waiting to let some of its weight go.

"I'd like to invite my parents for the wedding." I said all of a sudden almost before the thought had passed my mind. "Maybe even my brothers even though I never knew they existed. Would that be okay with you?"

"Yes." Seth gave a quick answer and looked as if that had been his idea all along. "I think that's fine… But well… Why are you looking at me like I didn't understand anything all of a sudden?"

"I don't even know where they are. Mum could have moved anywhere since I saw her last and even if she's got a place she might not be there. And… Gav, when he spoke he did by no means sound English. They could be halfway to America, for all I know. I don't even know his full name, or, it seems like it's Gavin but then mum called him Gav like a nickname and I don't even know his last name because Beaker was my mother's birthname."

I slumped down into the couch of our living room. Tears were close, but I had no more since I had broken down seconds after both of my parents had just stood outside our door.

I for sure hadn't expected something like that when I woke up this morning and started thinking about the wedding, just like I had for months. And still there were almost one month left before the actual thing.

Seth laid a blanket around my shoulders and I pulled it close around me as if I was cold- I was always cold after crying for some reason. He then sat down and laid his arm around my shoulders.

There were just some things, like exactly this that I would never have accepted for them to do without protesting and yelling at them not to.

Mike and I had been close though… Still not like me and Seth. Definitely not as my and Seth's relationship.

We just sat until we finally heard someone pulling up in front of our driveway. Still we sat until there was footsteps up the stairs.

"Great, pizza."

It wasn't pizza though, it was someone who dropped an envelope through the letterbox. And before I'd opened it I realized who it was and ripped the door open at the same time as I heard the door downstairs closing.

Probably knowing it was too late I flew down the stairs still wrapped in the blanket. There was no one outside, but there was a car and before I'd recognized my mum's hair by the shotgun seat the driver had hit the pedal, skidding out of the parking lot and sped down the drove.

"NO…" I ran after them, as I'd run after Cam all of that time ago. "NO, WAIT."

I stopped when the car turned around the corner, there was no way for me to catch up with them. And I must have been standing there for at least before I turned and walked back up the stairs and into the flat where Seth stood with the envelope.

"Here's what they left."

I took the envelope and ripped it open. In it was one photo only and the envelope fell to the floor as I watched the picture of three children, one baby wrapped in a pink blanket and one toddler holding her proudly, then another boy that was about ten or so, the only one who was looking into the camera and smiling brightly with his whole face.

"Maybe there's something written on the back of it… Look at those black curls of the boys'. You can't really see the baby but I think I can just see a group of thick, black curls and it has a pink blanket so it must be a girl… Do I know someone else with thick, black curls?"

Seth ruffled in my hair, I had straightened those curls every single day since before he knew me. I hated old photos of myself… How could I even go around with that frizz?

One moment I was just too frozen to do or say anything at all. I had never seen a picture of myself as a baby before, as a toddler, yes. But this was something else and somehow I just knew who was in the picture even before I turned to read on the back and what someone had written.

_Tracy Beaker, along with her older half-brothers Trevor Johnson, 9 and Tristan Johnson, 2. Picture taken Newcastle Memorial hospital, Newcastle England, June the first 1991. Picture shot by dad Gavin Johnson. _

**Fans of Taylor Swift might be noticing already, but every chapter of this story will have the title of a song she's made. The chapter doesn't have to be anything like the song's theme but the title is still by the same title.**

**Random fact**

There are some titles I can probably promise I won't use like Tim McGraw. Haha, there is one song titled by Taylor Swift I will not put as a title of this story, the chapter of it or anything else and that is "Ronan." Go check it out and you'll see what I mean. It's just the saddest song ever.


	3. Ready for it?

**X snow- pony x have corrected me about this of mail boxes and postboxes. I'll try and sort it out before this chapter is put up. Whenever I do it will be done, and how and where Tracy and Seth lives will be changed somewhat and I'll make sure it's correct. **

_Tracy Beaker  
and  
Seth Foreman  
Hereby invites you to their wedding  
By New Year's night 2019- 2020, midnight.  
Saint Peter's chapel, Newcastle  
Followed by a simple meal  
As for dressing code, we hope everyone will stick to the colors of white, black and red.  
Sincerely  
Tracy and Seth_

The wedding invitations were simple, a white sheet of paper, black text and then a red balloon in the upper left corner.

It spoke just way too much about everything we were trying to save money on.

And so was the fact that we had asked the current people of the dumping ground to do the cooking and also cleaning afterwards. They might or might not be very happy about it. But Mike at least wouldn't ask for much in payment and we could need that.

It was at least the millionth time I read through it, it was Christmas Eve and Seth had gone to talk to his band about the songs we wanted…

I was on one of the kitchen chairs with my back towards the hallway. I thought I had heard the door to the stairwell open and close, but when I couldn't hear anything more let it go. And then jumped high when suddenly someone came up behind me and blindfolded me.

"Now you come with me Tracy Beaker."

"Cam?"

She might be trying to make her voice hoarse so I wouldn't be able to recognize it. But I did easily anyway.

"Here." She put something in my hand. "Can you feel what it is?"

"Yeah, a pair of shorts."

"Put them on. No, no. You can wear them over your tights. And here." She handed me what must be a shirt and I pulled it on. "Here." She led me through the hallway and then helped me get my jacket and my shoes on. "Can you get downstairs and to the street with the blindfold on?"

"What's going on?"

"You must know what's going on Tracy."

Hen night? Well… I hadn't exactly intended to have one of those.

For a moment it passed by my mind that it was almost eleven at night and more than anything I'd like to sort out things for the wedding before I went to bed and then dreamt all night about things that could go wrong during the wedding.

"It's nothing big." I could hear the voice of… someone I knew- I just couldn't place it exactly whose it was. "But we… I and Cam, wanted to make something one of the last nights you spend as unmarried and…" I could hear voices around me, a lot of people, glasses and smelling. As if we had gone into a restaurant. "And…"

Cam took the blindfold of and moved to standing in front of me. Right by her my friend Jackie Hopper who had come to live at the dumping ground while I did and…

"Well, Crash… Liam would have come too. The three musketeers if you remember. But this sort of had to be a girl's night. And we decided this only yesterday so it's only us two, neon colored clothes and a basket of gifts."

Jackie held up a big, braided basket, covered in a couple of kitchen towels and in her other hand held up a bridal sash in bright pink (just like the shorts and shirts Cam had made me wear while she wore bright green and Jackie bright orange) with the text "future Mrs. Beaman."

"Excuse me." As I pulled the sash on to sit on my shoulder a waiter came over. "Are you the one who booked for hen night?" I looked back at Jackie who nodded and answered him yes. "Then follow me."

This wasn't a very nice sort of restaurant or bar, there were people wearing as well as T-shirts as well as tux, a bar desk and people who glanced at us in our bright colors when we walked by. By the bar desk where there sat a number of men red in their round faces and whistled after me.

"She's getting married?" I heard one of them almost shout to his friends. "She's ugly! How can she when I can't?"

"Just leave it." Jackie mumbled to me. I bit my jaws tightly together and past them after the waiter.

"Here is your table." The waiter stopped at a table in the furthest back corner of the bar. "The drink is on us." He gestured to a bottle and three filled-up wine glasses. "The menus are on the table. I'll be back in a second, take your time."

When the waiter walked away he walked straight up to the fat guys sitting at the bar desk.

If I wouldn't have made up my mind not to let the comments get to me I would have turned and seen someone else…

"Now." We finished our meal just chatting about random things as we would have done if this wasn't a special dinner moving towards a special day.

Then of course. My personality wasn't any different than any other day either.

"What's in that basket?"

"There are…" Jackie lifted the basket onto the table. "…Actually a lot of things…" She took the kitchen towels of it and revealed a mess of different things. "Cam? Do you want to start?"

"I do want to." Cam reached into the basket and lifted a book from it. "Here is a recipe book. We're not sure what is so special about it. But it's called "the newlywed cookbook" so we thought it would suit." She laid it on the side at the table. "Jackie Hopper, do you want to go next."

"I do want to Camilla Lawson…" Jackie took something from the basket. "This one is for the honeymoon more than the wedding." She held it up- it was a passport case, white leather with "Tracy Beaman" written in golden letters on it. "Cam?"

"This one is too for your honeymoon." Cam reached for something else. "More exactly for the packing. There are five cubes that you can pack in to sort out jewelry or makeup and some other small things that always gets lost in the bag."

I could feel my smile getting bigger, there weren't a whole lot of presents but until now they had been perfect…

"And here…" Jackie picked out some packs of condoms from the basket. . "For quite obvious reasons."

"And this." Cam took up a fabric item I couldn't quite see what it was. "See? It's a mitten, and you put your hand in there and then Seth his hand in there so you're holding hands without getting cold. Best idea ever!"

"There are these two too." With the basket almost empty Jackie picked up a pair of running shoes. "So you can get out of high heels and run fast away if you need to."

"And this." At last Cam pulled up a hip flask, and when I took it I could feel there was something in it. "In case you're wondering- wine."

"Wow guys…" I thanked them. "These are great gifts and thank you so much."

I wasn't so sure what more I could say, Cam started packing the things back into their basket. And I couldn't help but to listen to the music that was playing through the bar and watched people getting themselves onto the small dance floor in the middle of the room.

"Come on." Just as Cam packed down the passport case with everything else in the basket I stood up when a pop song came up. "Let's dance." But as I turned around someone by the bar desk suddenly caught my eye, at first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. But when I looked back there was no denying…

"Tracy? Who is that?"

Cam looked at me and then towards the man.

I hadn't gotten the chance to even call her about what was going on. The only ones who knew about all of this (except for mum and Gav then of course) were I and Seth. Because I didn't want anybody else to have to worry about it now right before Christmas.

"I just have to do something."

While I watched him my dad caught the attention of a bartender and ordered another drink. A big, filled up beer glass was put in front of him. But for just one moment he didn't touch it. And was left sitting with his elbow heavily on the bar desk and his head in his hand.

"I just… Wait here."

Cam frowned and by her side and behind I saw Jackie do the same. I sent them both a look and a shaky smile before I turned around and went to sit by the bar desk.

"Hiya Gavin."

It felt awfully strange to say it, knowing who he really was…

Gav opened his eyes and turned towards me. I could smell the alcohol on his breath and pushed away the glass from him.

"I think you've had enough to drink for tonight."

Gav just glared at me- if glares could kill! But the glass was within his reach and he didn't reach out to take it.

I couldn't help but watch him- seeing just the dark hair that I had, wasn't there something else?

"Will you be seeing my mum anything?" Gav shrugged. "Well, if you are… I just wanted to say that you're invited to the wedding if you want to." He raised an eyebrow at me. "I don't really know you, but you are my dad after all. I am close with a care worker though, and he's the one who will walk me down the aisle."

He had been looking down during all this time except for glaring at me when I took away his drinks. And it wasn't until the mention of who was leading me down the aisle he looked up again.

"You really have a lot of details sorted out for the wedding, do you?"

"Yes."

Not much in my life had quite worked out the way I had planned it to. Now this was something that I refused to let go of the plans to. Still something clenched in my stomach when I watched my dad look at me, looked up and down before he said something.

"I messed up so badly."

"It's never too late to change. Now get up, go… home, to a hotel- I don't care where you go but get a drink of water and a shower. And then sleep. I think you're going to need that if you're still willing to come to my wedding. The wedding is the night in between New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, at midnight."

"Uh- huh."

Gav stood up and seemed to be a bit unsteady at first. For a moment I wouldn't have been surprised if he threw up right on me and the neon- pink shirt, then he swallowed, took one last look on me and made his way towards the door.

He would have gotten there and out, and I would have gotten back towards Cam and Jackie if there wasn't for another comment shouted from a fat, red- faced man shouted another comment for the night.

"HEY, you in pink clothes. The ugly one! Yeah, you know who you are. How would you like to come with me to my hotel room when you're finished." I stopped and took a deep breath. "Yeah… You know, the name Beaman does sound stupid. And whoever is the... unlucky guy to get married to you… OW. What was that for?"

Gav had walked straight up to the man and slapped him across the face so hard the noise had everyone in the whole bar had silent and turned towards them. Staff came running but Gav had already pulled the man down onto his back, put a knee on his chest and got one blow after the other.

"Stop it." I tried among many others. "Stop it." Gav kept hitting once, twice, the man was barely conscious by now. "STOP IT DAD!"

At my last shout Gav was knocked off his concentration. He looked up and towards me and there was not hard for two of the waiters to grab him from behind and pull him off the man, barely conscious enough to sit up and blood covering his face.

"What was all that for?"

"That's my daughter you asshole."

**Random fact**

I had this chapter almost finished for ages. But I never got on with it because I kept wanting to write new chapters for tsfaf instead.


	4. All you had to do was stay

**Thanks to x snow- pony x for reviewing. **

Just as Gav had been dragged away from the man he was fighting and they both taken away from the restaurant by a guard and staff I had just sat back down, I, Cam and Jackie had planned to dance but now I didn't feel like it anymore.

"Do you want to wait?" Cam asked me, stroking my shoulder. "And maybe get another chance to talk to him." I sighed, then shook my head. "Do you need something to drink?" I shook my head again. "A glass of water or anything?"

"Tracy? Is there anything at all we can do for you?"

"I…." With a deep sigh I stood up and reached for the basket of things they'd given me. "…I think I'd just like to go home."

Well, sure my parent(s) would always find a way to destroy things for me one way or the other.

"I can carry that one." Jackie took the basket. "Well… I suppose we don't have to ask who that man was. He made it quite clear himself while fighting with that man… Is that really your father?" I nodded. "Did you… I mean have you… did he…"

"Somehow my mum found an invitation to the wedding. And when she came over to mine she brought my dad. His name is Gavin Johnson. He's from America. And I have two half-brothers named Trevor and Tristan. Trevor is about nine years older than me. And Tristan about two years older. They came here to see me when I was a newborn… That's all I know."

"Have you ever heard anything from him before?" Jackie asked. "I mean… not since you were a baby."

"I haven't heard a thing."

Quite soon we were back at my flat, how I made it into the house and up the stairs I wasn't quite sure. But I was sure of that the flat would be empty except for me for probably a couple of more hours at least.

"Do you want us to stay?"

_Yes, Jackie. I'd really like you to stay so I don't have to feel so alone after everything that's happened. _

"You don't have to."

_I'm actually very afraid Gav, or anyone else will turn up on the porch. _

"_Are you sure?" _

"Of course, Cam. I think I'll just go to bed anyway."

"I'll see you for the wedding." Jackie raised her hand in a wave. "By the time Crash is with us two. The three musketeers all together again." I forced a smile and nodded "Bye."

"Yeah." Cam gave me a hug. "Here's for all nights in the past and the future. I hope they'll be better than this one." I nodded again. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" I smiled again for answer and she left. Once I heard the door downstairs close behind them I took a glass of water and sat down by the table, as if I could concentrate on that I took the basket of things I'd been given, forced myself to laugh of the reason Jackie had gotten me running shoes and riffled in the book of recipes and…

Didn't look up much until I heard the door unlock and Seth came in. And right before him walked…

"Gav?"

"I can go if you want to." Gav didn't slur or sway where he stood so I almost wondered if I really had seen and spoke to him earlier today. "I can walk out of your life and never come back…"

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." Seth told him angrily. "Tell him what you told me. Or I'll kick you right out of my house."

Gav sighed, there was a bruise over his eye. He might get a black eye after tonight.

"I have made a lot of mistakes Tracy." He coughed and silent again. "I didn't mean to make it about me, earlier or now. I could just tell you that. Not more, and walk away. Or I could tell you more and… about them…" He finally looked up from the floor and into my eyes. "I never wanted to leave you, if I'd known what Carly was like I wouldn't have… but I thought she was a good mother. I did."

"We can leave that…" I said shakily. "…Start from the beginning. Please."

I showed him into the kitchen and got another glass of water from a cupboard, I showed Seth to leave the room- this was on my own and Gav's business and sitting down and pushing the glass over the table I crossed my arms over my chest and demanded.

"Speak!"

"Thank you." He had drunk from the water and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "I just wanted to tell you. And now, before you get married. Maybe you'll even have a kid or two… Please don't make any mistake like the ones I've made."

"Like what?"

"Like cheating, like leaving your child in the hands off someone else time and time again, like going unemployed and without money." He sighed. "I know you can hear I'm not from England- I'm from New York. And back there I had a wife, Marie. And two sons, Trevor seven years older than Tristan. We had problems like all couples do. And we had a fight, right before I had to go here for work. I was still angry when I came here, I went to the bar and had a bit too much to drink. I met a girl… your mother. I stayed for work and a couple of months later, right before I had to go home she searched me up to tell me she was pregnant"

Thoughts were spinning in my head…

Had he really not meant to just leave me?

"I had to go back. For work, for my wife and my sons. I'm a terrible liar so the first thing I did getting off that plane was putting the boys to bed and sitting down with Marie, like we are now, and told her. And she threw me out of the house and never wanted to see me again. She filed for a divorce and I made sure I would at least get to see the boys and have them every other weekend. I told your mother I'd send her a check every month which I did for the first couple of years… then I lost my job and with the boys and rent and everything I couldn't afford to without losing my flat… By the time I had another job I… I…"

"You'd forgotten about me."

Gav sighed again, he seemed to do that a lot…

"I guess that's the simplest way of saying it but… I promise you I didn't just do it like that. I thought about you every single day… well, almost. And if I'd have known what happened with the care home and everything I'd have to come and get you at the very minute." He ended with one more sigh. "And then your mother sent me an email a month or two, and that's it."

At the beginning I had been swallowing a lump in my throat. But somewhere along the way it had gone down and disappeared.

"I… I just wanted to meet you… I just wanted to tell you… Just… please don't make the same mistakes as I did… I lost the whole childhood of a daughter and most of it of both of my sons… We came to see you when you were a newborn and then never again."

"Until now." He nodded. I hesitated and stood up to go over to the wedding and watched the streetlights and rain falling outside. "I want you to go now… But…. You're still invited to the wedding if you want to come. And if you meet her then my mum is too."

Gav gave a nod, then turned around and walked out into the hallway. I only heard him for so long as I heard his footsteps down the stairs and the door open and close.

"Are you okay love?"

Seth came and laid his arm around my shoulders. Just as Gav could be seen outside the window as he crossed the parking lot, with his hands shoved hard into his coat pockets he continued down the street.

And for the first time ever a while the look of my dad didn't tie a knot in my chest.

"Yeah… actually I am."

**Random fact**

I'd forgotten about the photo Tracy was given a couple of chapters ago. Haha, when I'd written Gav telling his whole story I had to add it.


	5. Ours

**Thanks to x snow- pony x for reviewing. **

**I have written some one shots since last updating this one, and if you want to read there's "The birthday wishes" (the O. C.) for my own birthday. "One fast kind of slow motion" (Jessie) in memory of Cameron Boyce who died of a seizure in his sleep at July 6****th****, only 20 years old. Rest in peace. **

**And then at last "Body shaken" (Life unexpected) for Epilepsy/ seizures awareness. **

**Sorry for not updating, I'm just having a crazy writer's block and I hope it will go away soon. **

**Pictures of people's clothes will be up on Instagram Linneagbfanfiction in a little while. I'll post Tracy and Seth's now. Some of the others' were put up yesterday and will be put up later **

"Have you forgotten we did Fiona's hair when she and Mike got married?"

I was in the bride room of the Saint Petrie's chapel in Newcastle, it was New Year's eve. The last day of this decade, and I had spent the whole afternoon here, in front of the full- body mirror where they did my makeup, then washed it off and did it again, and so it had gone. Now was only fifteen minutes until the wedding was supposed to start.

"No, how could I ever forget that?" I asked the two who were right on either side of me taking a look on how they had just used me as an empty page. "Regardless of me and Mike in the works of finding your brother and make him come to the wedding."

"It's like Finn says." Candi- Rose said while she fixed something in my hair. "There's only one dumping ground… Now, don't you dare cry. Because if you do then the makeup we just put and washed away one thousand and one times…"

"Guys." Suddenly Mike stood in the doorway to the bride room. "It's time."

And with that my heart started beating so loud it could have jumped right out of my chest.

"Good luck."

Candi- Rose and Chloe went out the room and in came Cam and Mike. Cam holding onto a covered bouquet- something of a size we'd already decided I wouldn't have.

"This is from us both." She reached it to me and I carefully unwrapped it. "Oh… Mike. You were supposed to take off the price tag."

"Me? You wrapped it."

"Don't look at it Trace."

Just as I had all the newspaper wrapped around it Cam grabbed it, pulled away a price tag I didn't have time to see and then reached it back to me.

"You shouldn't have." I was almost at loss of words from seeing the big, clear red roses with white pearl- flowers in it. "It just… wow! It must have cost half a for…"

"Don't give a care to what it cost or not." Cam gave me a hug. "You're worth it. " She took a step back and looked into my eyes with her head leaned to the side. "I'd give all money in the world to see that look in your eyes… and hopefully you'll only get married once." I couldn't help but laugh nervously. "I have to go and take my spot up by the altar now, and thank you for choosing me as your bridesmaid."

"Wait…" I looked up at her, nervously looked to her red dress, white bolero and shoes and hair accessories, along with a necklace with a red heart I had given the first time she fostered me, and then to Mike, with a white blazer with red details and black pants, even a red bow- tie and pocket square.

"You guys were always my real parents… But I just wondered… while you were there… did you see my… you know?"

When Mike shook his head and patted my shoulder I tried to comfort myself with knowing that Mike hadn't even met my dad and wouldn't therefore be able to recognize him.

"So…" While Cam left with another smile I forced away a sigh and quickly found something to say. "Hello you two." When we came out of the bridal room there was a hallway, then another door between it and the church room itself. Right by it stood Johnny and Tee as our flower girl and ring bearer. "My God you look nicer than… than… I can't even find any words."

I couldn't help but see in front of me them two the first few days I met them working at the dumping ground. Tee with her ladybird- ears and bright colors, Johnny couldn't have been seen with else than blue hoodies and wanting everything to get fostered along with his sister.

Flash forward to this, Tee with a white tulle skirt and satin red top with her dark- blonde hair braided with red ribbons. Holding onto a white basket about to go forward and spread the red flower leaves in front of us. And Johnny standing so proud and tall with a white, spotless shirt, red vest and tie, and in his hands a white and red silk pillow with I and Seth's rings on it.

"What time is it?" I asked nervously. The doors would open at exact midnight and it would be time. "Mike? Have you got your watch?"

"It's two minutes until midnight." Johnny said and gestured to a clock on the wall over us. "And now, when we're all here today…" He was obviously trying to find a way to pass by time for us all. "….I'm guessing it didn't go smoothly to get everyone from the dumping ground here in preppy clothes and all." Mike shook his head.

"Floss is wearing a polka dot dress, and Tyler and Finn bow ties of the same pattern and Taz refused to come if she didn't get to wear sneakers and a certain, sparkly hairbow…"

Mike was interrupted when suddenly the doors opened and a man suddenly came in. For just one second I hesitated, knowing I had just known him for days. But the black hair and blue eyes quickly was sorted in my brain and I recognized him. For a second

"Mike… ehrm… this is… this is… this is my dad, Gav."

Mike's eyes went dark as he looked the man up and down as if he could see Gav's all darkest secrets before they shook hands.

"Gav- this is Mike. Mike my da… really… the one who always was the most like a dad to me." Gav nodded. "Have you talked anything with my mum?" He looked up on me, then shook his head. "She's not coming!"

I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised and disappointed that Carly Beaker wasn't here. She hadn't been here for anything else in my life neither. Not when I turned eighteen, not when I moved into my own flat for the first time, not when I had been engaged…

"I couldn't miss my own daughter's wedding, could I?"

But now here I was, she was gone and my dad was here- or both of them.

"I think it's time."

Gav nodded and hurried through the doors and when we heard his footsteps towards the floor. I could hardly breathe, and if I hadn't known it was Gus Carmichael playing the organ I'd started worrying that the bride march only would be messed up.

Wow, Gus and Johnny and Tee and…

Not that I disliked them. But I and Seth would have to get some friends we hadn't met through the dumping ground…

Now if I could only make sure not to fall in these high- heeled shoes.

**Random fact**

I have googled and got some pictures of like all clothes… and I pm'd them to my mum so I could get them into my phone. And then I got the picture of Tracy's and mum was like "wow. Those shoes were terrible"


	6. Forever and always

**Hello everyone and a happy new year and new decade. I hope this will be a great one for everyone.**

**Thanks to x snow- pony x for reviewing. **

**Sorry for not updating. This crazy writer's block just won't leave me be. **

**I've done this twice before years ago. After I'd been bad with updating I wrote one new chapter for each and every story. Then left it until I had finished them all and updated all stories at once. I've decided to do that same thing again and hopefully that will make a change as of how much I'll be able to update more afterwards… I guess only time will show. I hope you like this chapter. **

**Are there any fans of the movie a royal Christmas out there? Just asking because I put up a oneshot a few days ago and I'm a bit obsessed with all of my stories having at least one review. **

_Now if I could only make sure not to fall in these high- heeled shoes._

I did though.

How could I ever think I could make it through that whole, long church aisle without falling in these high heels.

After about half the way towards the altar I thought that I might have a chance of actually making it all the way. And as the Gus Carmichael played the organ loud and Mike was walking next to me with the Taylor's as ring bearer and flower girl right in front of me I relaxed just slightly…

And of course, I fell and lost grip of Mike's arm while everything else just stopped.

"I'm fine. Just give me a chance to get up."

I made my way onto my feet, then took the shoes in one hand- no way was I taking them on again. I looked to Seth who still stood tall by the altar, and to Johnny and Tee who had stopped right were they were. I then took Mike's arm with my left arm again and nodded to Gus who kept playing.

Tee and Johnny were still right ahead of us, and as of now I did hold on tight to Mike's arm. And made sure I put my feet right on the floor not to fall.

While Mike led me up to the altar where I met Seth and the priest, and also Seth's best man Shawn and Cam, while Mike moved to stand next to her I couldn't help to think about for the millionth time that I wasn't the only one in here who had come such a long way before we were back here.

I thought back to how Johnny had been desperate to get fostered and how Tee had only gone with how he wanted. How he had blamed Lily for getting fostered by Cam…

…Then there was that whole story with Lily following me up onto the roof…

I looked to Harry and remembered how Jeff would always be either on his side or in his hand- and there I would mean always!

I looked to Liam who had constantly gotten into trouble. And Elektra… well those two were just long stories in themselves…

And then to my own story… And how Cam had come to the dumping ground to write and certainly not to foster a child…

And the rest would be what you call history.

I barely had any idea of what the priest said during him speaking. All I knew was that I was on one side of the aisle, and Seth was on the other and I just wanted to be married- yesterday if I would have chosen.

"Well then. It's time for you two to read aloud why you're choosing to be here today… Who of you wants to go first?"

"You." Seth said after a second. "You go first."

I gave a nod and held onto Seth's hands while I took a deep breath and started.

I couldn't have a blackout now, could I? Not after all my thinking and wondering and choosing I could not have a black out…

Then one word came. The one sentence I had been so sure about all along. And as for the rest of the short speech, it just came rolling out of me.

"As we all know I'm a writer… sure not the bestseller I wish I was but… I put one word to the other and it all ends with something that people actually read. Then I was… we were doing this… and I couldn't get one single word out of what I wanted to say. And if I did it was referring to the past and today is not about the past but about the future…"

I tried to go through my head everything I had been thinking the past couple of weeks- there must be some good way I could at least finish it.

"A future I hope I'll be able to spend with you."

Seth had tears in his eyes and I could feel I had too.

I was a writer though. If nothing else I always wanted to come up with something finishing…

"Seth? Do you want to go?"

"Yeah." He answered and cleared his throat. "I'm just trying to make sure I know the whole thing. But the thing is… I know I always have it. And I will always have it…" He patted his hand over his heart. "In here… You know. I can still see you in front of me. In the back yard of Elm Tree House and holding out a kitchen ladle as a weapon… or at least to protect yourself with… if I don't remember it wrong the words I said were "put down your weapon." And now that was the first time you and I ever spoke to each other."

I couldn't help but to laugh shortly and remembered the day when a big trunk of money had ended up in the dumping ground and a day we all wished and pretended had never happened.

"So. Here we are today and Shawn helped me to bring you a present." Seth looked back on his bestman who reached him a wrapped gift. "I was hoping you could open that here and now."

There was no denying on the smirk on Seth's lips. He had planned something, and I knew exactly what when I dropped the wrapping paper to the floor and found…

"A ladle?" I held it up. "Very funny Seth. It might not be exactly the same that I used then though…"

Seth laughed and there were some spread laughter here and there. The priest was quiet but I saw him biting his lip to stay quiet. I held the ladle up (the one I had today) and hit it slightly in Seth's head, before the priest took the word again and now it was finally time.

"Do you Seth Foreman?"

"I DO." He yelled before the priest was done. "I don't need the rest to know that."

The priest seemed a little unsure about what to do, but only for a second before he looked to me.

"Do you Tracy Beaker…"

"Just skip out the boring bits now would you? I do."

"Well then." There were some spread laughter in the room. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss each other."

I had to reach up to kiss him while he bent slightly down- the perks of having a tall boyf… husband!

But as I felt his lips against mine, then broke away and then kissed him again my heart beat so hard it could have hopped right out of my chest. Never in my life had I been so happy and in love.

Someone could have read aloud the most important in my life and I would not have been able to hear a single word. All my mind was taken up that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with this man next to me that I loved so very much…

That I was where I belonged and where I would belong- and that forever.

Soon Gus had started playing again and it was time to go. I was all shaky when I took his bent arm and if I'd fallen this time around it was shaking from happiness…

But as I turned around something outside flashed by in the corner of my eye. And it was when I turned and looked more closely I could see my mum sitting in the bench furthest towards the back doors. The furthest into the corner as if she was hiding from something or someone.

At first a gust of nothing else but anger blowing through me. That I did just have moments of thinking about myself and my own life and then she would come and make it about her.

Then I looked to my side and saw Seth, to my other side where Cam and Mike stood, gazed over the group of people we had invited to come here...

…Even though we had met most of them at the dumping ground things couldn't have been more perfect.

With my next move I turned my head and headed forward. I would do my best for not ever caring about her again…

My mum was my mum. Nothing could change that and I wouldn't ever want to change that. I knew that no matter how much I tried not to I'd go back, think of her and wonder how things could have been different if she had been another type of parent.

But as I clenched my fingers slightly around Seth's sleeve I knew that there was nowhere else I would have ever wanted to be…

**Random fact**

I watched a few clips of the Tracy Beaker- episode where Justine's dad and stepmum gets married. And in the end Tracie says. "Well speak fast and cut out all the boring bits" or something like that. And you can see I used I did use a bit of that where Tracy says like "cut all the boring bits" in the chapter.


	7. Everything has changed

**January eleventh I updated all of my stories. If you've been following my Instagram "Linneagbfanfiction" then you know what's happened afterwards. Lately I've put up five oneshots. One or two of them I'd started in 2013 or so and I felt great finally finishing some so I just ended up writing for that. I'll keep writing on oneshots I've never finished but I will too update some stories and this is one of them.**

**There will be a couple of small changes in this story. It will be set on the night 2019-2020 instead of the year before. And Gavin and Tracy's brothers are from New York and not California. I'll change it in the story soon. **

"Just let me change these shoes."

The first thing I did back in the bridal room was getting out of the high- heeled, aching shoes that had at least only made me fall once tonight.

Seth laughed slightly.

"Are you sure you don't want to keep them on all night?"

"Easy for you to joke about." I took the flats I'd brought. "You don't have to wear heels for anything in your life."

"Should we make a deal? Something that if I wear heels then or then then I will do this or that… it would be so much fun to do something like that…. Oh wait… it's our wedding night after all. Maybe we should come up with something… or nothing… or something."

"If you walk the rest of the night in these high heels then I promise… I promise… I promise… I don't know. What can I promise to give you now that we've already married?"

"I can think of one thing."

I half glared half smirked at Seth, we'd have to shut up about this meanwhile…

For the moment I'd rather go to the hotel where we'd booked a room and left our things right away. But the guests, including Seth's band expected us to be down in a building across the way from the church and have cake and dance…

"But they're way too small."

At last, when we were in the hotel room I showed him that if he wanted a price then he'd go for the rest of the night in my heels…

"I don't care."

Seth gave a grimace in agony but wearing high heeled shoes that were way too small for him, he did get up and with me and to the party hall where our friends had put up a band of Seth's on a small stage, there were tables with our friends around them and then one table with cakes, including one big wedding cake.

"HERE THEY COME." Shawn- the singer of Seth's band shouted into his microphone. "THE COUPLE OF THE NIGHT."

Suddenly all people were clapping their hands for us, the band was playing but the noises and voices were so loud I couldn't hear what they were playing and honestly I wanted to try that cake that Mike was standing next to…

"It must be fifteen years ago at least…" Mike said once things had calmed down and he could make his voice heard. "…but probably almost twenty years that I heard you talk about your wedding the first time. And here we are at last and you two are marrying and anyone who isn't completely blind can just see in your eyes how much you two love each other and I'm just so happy for the both of you… Then you Tracy asked me to help me with all things… And we've handed out some things that needed to be done and thought and remembered and then… every party needs a cake. Don't they?"

Mike smirked at me and the memories of the smashed cake during my tenth birthday party flashed by…

"It took some wondering and remembering and we had to call up Duke. But at last we had figured what it was that you said and wished for…. All of those years ago. We made something big and adult about it and here we go. Triple chocolate with chocolate filling and on top fudge ice cream. Then, as you can see a porcelain figure of dark-haired bride and a brown- skinned husband…" Mike smiled. "…Sapphire made the figure."

"Do you promise we can keep it after tonight?"

I smirked back at Seth, he wasn't an as big fan of chocolate as I was….

"Here you go." Lily Kettle cut a piece from the cake and put it on a plate that she handed towards me and Seth with two spoons. "You first."

Seth just glanced at me. Maybe this one could surprise him though. At least it tasted lovely to me.

"I'm sorry." He took a napkin, spit it out and wiped his mouth. "I can't eat this."

"More left for me."

"Sorry." We heard Mike. "We should have asked with the both of you so we made sure to get something you both liked."

"I think I like it enough for the both of us." I said with my mouth full of it. "Oh my God. This is so good."

"And we have cookies and stuff too." Lily promised Seth. "All hand made at my café. Here's one with lime and lemon curd…"

"Stop making commercial for your café Lily." Mike told her. "This is not the time."

"She's not." Seth said with his mouth full of oatmeal cookies and lemon and lime curd. "She's just telling us what it is." Mike rolled his eyes. "And if she does more kinds of something as good as this." He finally chewed and swallowed. "Then you've got me visiting every day. Several times a day if that's okay."

"I'm always happy to recruit some new guests."

"Now." Seth's friend Shawn said into the microphone, the whole band- except for Seth then stood on the stage in the corner holding their instruments ready to play. "You lot decided about what songs to play here today." He glared at some of the kids from the dumping ground. "And its' Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, One Direction and so on. I'm not sure any one of us in the band will forgive you for that. But I do think we have made something quite good with them so with that I hope also the newly wed couple will forgive us for the choice of music because it is time for the first dance…"

"Can I take your shoes off for this?" Seth asked with a smirk. "Or do I have to keep them on all night? I've only had them on for like five minutes and they're torture." I could hear some spread laughter in the big room. "What? My own dress shoes are bad enough. And there are like five sizes too small."

Actually I couldn't quite understand had been able to wear them even though he hadn't even managed to put his whole foot into them. I barely ever used shoes like these because they would give me such blisters…

"In fact…"

We were inside anyway. So without another thought I pulled my shoes off- then put them by our table and looked around on the others…

"I'm pretty sure most of the people in here also have shoes that hurt and we're going to dance… Do as you like…"

I was even more sure of it when I heard and saw the others in the corners of my eyes how everyone it seemed like- except for Eric who played the drums in the band and Taz who loved her sneakers were doing the same, including Seth.

"This is good." Seth said with a smirk. "Now I won't have to worry about it hurting when you step on my feet."

"You worry? You're the one who step on my feet fatty."

"Is it finally time for our first dance as wife and husband?"

"I believe it is."

And so finally it was time, Shawn and his band started playing. I got why they had said they would never forgive the kids they had chosen the songs. The music that was playing wasn't particularly my taste neither. Except right now I was pretty sure it was the best I had ever heard…

_Can I go where you go?... _

If what was the song could have been true…

I could have danced all night. Danced in the world where there was only me and my husband and no one around.

"COME ON EVERYONE."

I winced after the third song in a row when Tee made her voice heard over the music- I would have danced like this all night if I could…

"Well, you couldn't have a wedding without some games… Here we go."

"Games?"

I said it so quietly only Seth could hear and grimaced. He just laughed at me and we both turned towards Tee who held a blindfold that she tied around my head so I wouldn't be able to see anything at all.

"So now, we'll tell a total of five of the men in this room to get up standing on chairs in a line." Tee explained to everyone. "And you Tracy, feel on everyone's feet- how big or small or whatever else you can think of until you've figured what pair of feet are your husband's. And as you go you can tell the others to step down as you go… Okay. One, two, three, go."

This should be easy enough…

Well, at least that was my first thought. As I felt one pair of feet after the other until I had felt all five of them I wasn't so sure anymore…

Feeling through the group I realized one pair was way too small to be Seth's I wondered quickly if whoever had come up with this game had tried to find a certain person in a group by feeling their feet.

At last I had got it down to two…

And that's when I had an idea…

I carefully lifted the foot of the person to the left and tickled slightly under the foot…

Seth was terribly ticklish.

Now too. Because he giggled and would probably have fallen right off the chair if someone standing right next to him had caught him.

I couldn't help but laugh myself while I pulled my blindfold off and Seth got down from his chair…

"You cheater. You weren't allowed to tickle me."

I laughed and heard some spread laughter around me, figuring that the other pair of feet I'd had it down to were Crash's.

"We had to do a song for a father- daughter dance." Shawn said into the microphone soon enough. "And…" He looked a bit nervous as he glanced towards Mike who stretched in pride and held his hand out to me. "Of course."

Shawn took another chord on his guitar and Mike took my hand. And just as Mike did everything from the day I had first ended up on the dumping ground, decided to call it the dumping ground and then all until today.

I loved her first, I held her first

Mike sang a long and where he held me close I winced at his false voice and glared back when he blinked at me…

During all of those times I had had so many big dreams. Or thought I had big dreams about moving with my mum to Hollywood, write a bestseller book, marrying a rich guy.

Here I was, marrying a social worker and dancing with my old care worker at a father- daughter dance. With my biological dad sitting silently in the corner of the room…

And I couldn't have been happier.

If I could have made this moment last forever. If I could have made any of these moments last forever...

Seth's grip felt so cold when the next song came around and I and Mike let go of each other.

The band started playing again.

_Ever ever after _

When Tee tried to start another game I shushed on her quickly. One game had been perfectly enough and I wanted to dance…

Then looking towards the band I saw my dad in the corner, silent and lonely he hadn't made any try to talk to me since he had shown up at the chapel.

"Excuse me." I moved away from Seth. "There's something I have to do."

I could see on Seth that he knew what I was about to do and even though he let me go I felt his worried look in my neck as I walked towards the corner and held out my hand towards Gav where he'd been sitting with his drink.

"I guess every father should get the chance to dance with his daughter at her wedding."

Gav smiled weakly at first, then the smile turned even bigger while it was me who led him out to the dancefloor and he lowered his hands to put his hand by my waist…

As we danced, and before too there was just one single thought that had been spinning in my mind so much.

I guess it had been spinning in my mind ever since I was little…

"You really didn't know?"

"If I would have I would have come to get you at that very second…" Dad answered and for the first time I could really see the truth in his eyes. "But there was no reason for me to believe that your mum wasn't the best ever."

Then there was one more…

"Did you ever think about me?"

"Every day."

All of those days I had spent in the dumping ground wondering where he was, wishing that some time someone would come and get me, all of those times I had dreamt about a prince on a white stallion who came and took me towards the future…

Things certainly hadn't turned out the way I would have thought when I was ten…

"Excuse me." I hadn't realized time was passing by while I danced with my dad until Seth stood right by us. "May I have this dance?"

I couldn't help but to shake my head at him. To sound so… polite was the word, just wasn't like him. It wasn't like any of us.

Gav took my hand and then held it towards Seth's who took mine and he walked away. As he disappeared out of my sight and I didn't bother to look after him I felt the smile on my lips grow bigger as I looked into his eyes and danced close, close.

The night flashed by only went too fast. And way too early the band was running out of songs to play. I had to remember to ask them about what songs they had been playing.

I had never really been into listening to this kind of music but right now it sounded as the most beautiful I had ever heard.

"I'll never forgive you for making us play Taylor Swift during your wedding party. But here's one more song and it's not."

"Hey!" Seth pretended to be hurt. "Don't blame me for the songs chosen. It wasn't my fault. If you want to blame someone then blame Tracy. She's the one who asked all of our friends to help out. And that included the ones who decided about the music."

_Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars _

How could it be anything but perfect when we were young and in love and about to dance and dance and dance.

I suddenly saw Johnny glancing at us and remembered how he had hated being in care. How much I had hated being in care and I'd never known that somewhere on the same continent was Seth and hated being in care…

And here we were and it had all worked out in the perfect way…

Shawn chuckled and woke me up from my thoughts after what felt like only seconds and way too few songs and looked out towards his whole audience

"Time for one last song then."

"No." I whined. "Not just yet."

"Tracy." Seth gave a short laugh. "It's past three in the morning. Look around us. Several of the kids… and adults for that matter are even asleep… and no matter how much you're trying to hide it I know you're tired too."

I had taken my shoes off during the early night. I was happy for that now because my feet were aching more than I could have ever explained. And how bad it would have been if I had been wearing heels all night I just couldn't imagine.

But of course, as the last song went by there was no pain. There was only me and my husband and we were close and we were now.

"I know your feeling." Seth mumbled to me as the song was almost done. "I feel it too. But we've got a whole lifetime together and I can't wait for it all."

"Me neither."

Then as the song came to its very last few seconds and I felt more than ever that this was perfect and this was forever.

And then the very last tone rang out…

No matter how little I wanted to admit it, while May- Li, Tee, Carmen and Toby had all fallen asleep by tables. I was tired too, every time I blinked it was becoming slower and heavier to open my eyes again and I longed for a bed and for the wedding night…

"Tired?" Seth questioned me. "We've got a hotel room you know."

I was about to lie but Seth too seemed like his eyelids were getting heavy.

"I wish this night would never end."

"Me too." He took my hand harder. "But the band is leaving and as you can see…" He gestured around the room. "I couldn't think of a better way to end this day than in a hotel room alone with you."

"And I wouldn't think of anything better than to spend the night with you after all of this… It feels as if I waited my whole life for this perfect day." I held his hand tightly in mine. "All we can make now is for a perfect ending." I rose to my feet. "Thank you Seth. Thank you…" I turned towards Mike and a couple of the others who sat by.

"No Trace. Thank you."

For one last time before we left this place we kissed, I could feel people looking at us where we stood almost as clearly on my skin as Seth's lips towards my lips.

I knew since the beginning of the night that Mike had handed out some jobs to the dumping ground's residents- old or current. And I couldn't help but to notice the facial expressions and reactions to the ones that had gotten the worst job…

"How do you think Ryan and Alex are liking cleaning the toilets?"

Seth raised an eyebrow but smirked still. He didn't know the boys and couldn't know how funny this was…

I looked around one more time before I left the room several of the children (and adults) had fallen asleep in their chairs and laid curled up, the band was on stage trying to get their instruments packed without making too much noise. All around Tyler and Jody were cleaning, taking up plates, cutlery and glasses from the table.

In the corner of the room stood a wagon which people had taken from the kitchen, a small sign hung on it that the dishes could be put on it and would be taken care of tomorrow…

"Are you coming or do you want to stay there and philosophize for a while?"

I didn't realize I had dreamed away until Seth's voice was calling out for me.

Then at last I looked to my dad who sat by a table- now with a glass of clean water and thought of all the times I had wondered who he was.

Now here he was. I really knew him and I really knew who he was instead of something else my mum could have planned…

"I'm sorry." I finally said and turned to Seth. "I just dreamed away for a while."

"I noticed that… Come on now Tracy." Seth took my hand in an even harder grip in mine. "It's time for our wedding night and if…" He yawned. "…If I'm right it is time for something that begins with an S…" He smirked towards me.

"Sleep?"

"Oh yes."

"Sounds like a good idea to me."

**Playlist **

First dance: Lover- Taylor Swift  
Father- daughter dance: I loved her first- Heartland  
For how long they'll be together: Ever ever after- Carrie Underwood  
"Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars": Thinking out loud- Ed Sheeran  
Last song: New year's day- Taylor Swift

**Random fact**

I wasn't born when my parents married. But I've watched it on video and been told by my mum about when they did that game with a number of men standing on their chairs and my mum feeling their feet to try and figure which ones were my dad's. And I do know that she got it right and as far as I know she didn't tickle anyone like Tracy did- but right before she got it right she had narrowed it down to my dad and grandpa. So I guess their type of feet runs in the family even though I couldn't use that in this story haha.


	8. A place in this world

**Hello. I've just realized that there are several of my stories coming close to their ends. But thione is probably the one closest to the end anyway. So these are the other ones… **

**-When I returned  
-Shake it out  
-What goes around comes around  
-The search for a family **

**I don't really want to finish that last haha. I've had so much fun writing it. **

**Then, after I started writing this chapter I realized that this chapter (writing this I have already written much of it) is actually going to be the last. So I am finishing one story here and then I have four stories left to finish before I'm down on nine stories that I'm currently working on. **

**I wanted to get this up the 27****th**** so it would be finished at the exact same date as I started. As you can see I didn't but only two years past. I hope you like the ending of this story. **

"You know… I feel bad we're not going on a wedding trip."

It was the afternoon after the wedding and I and Seth sat on the hotel bed wrapped in the big, thick quilt close together. I had my head leaned against his chest and meanwhile he was talking about what disappointed him…

"Don't think about that now Seth…" I moved and leaned my head back to look at him. We can save that trip for any time in our whole lives. And we both made sure we had the most perfect wedding. There is nothing more that I'd want as long as I can have it all along with you."

As if I hadn't always been so independent and meaning to sort out everything on my own…

"Since when are you such a hopeless romantic. You could do anything, go anywhere without me…"

"But I want to go there with you."

Seth smiled and kissed me for at least the millionth time during the last twenty-four hours. I sighed happily and leaned my head backwards so we could kiss one more time.

"Fair enough."

I would have wanted to stay sitting like that. Close, close- forever.

Then I would have wanted to stay in the moment as newly weds forever, stay through the days where we made ourselves breakfasts of eggs and bacon and tomatoes. I wanted to stay where we walked around barefoot and didn't care that we or the other one was half naked.

I would have wanted to stay through the days where we wouldn't have to have an excuse to be back in bed, naked and closer than ever…

But way too soon those days were over, we had to go back home and while I still had a few weeks left before I had to go back to work Seth started going away during some days to meet up with his band.

It was during one of those days there was a ring on the doorbell.

"Hey…" Even after everything I was still surprised when Gav stood outside our door. "…Can I help you with something… "

I would have asked "what do you want?" But it just sounded too rude…

"Actually I'm here to give you something." I took a step from the door and Gav came inside. "I'm sorry I don't have anything for Seth or for you as a couple. And I guess this shouldn't even have been a wedding gift but your mother… you know what she's like… although I'm glad she did. Because otherwise I wouldn't have met you… And now…." He reached into his pocket and pulled out two paper sheets. "I'm going back to America in a few days… and if you want to you can come with me. I get it if you don't want to leave now… But if nothing else to meet your brothers. I know they would be happy to meet you."

"I…" I hesitated. "I'm not so sure…"

And actually wasn't so sure neither a few days later when I walked up the stairs from the runway up into a plane following Gav.

"I actually have never been on a plane before. Let alone flown."

I might as well admit it.

"Really?" Gav stopped by a line of seats. "These are ours. Do you want the window seat or the aisle…" I thought about it for a second.

"I think I'd rather have the window seat."

Gav took a seat away from the aisle so I could get into my seat, and by the time I sat down on my seat and leaned back I was more nervous than ever.

"Here we are in Heathrow…" He looked to his watch. "It's ten A. M. In London in another seven or eight hours then we'll be landing at John F. Kennedy's airport. And it will be ten or eleven A. M. over there. And until then you can do what you like. Like him…"

Gav nodded backwards and to a boy who laid curled up in his seat… I would have been too nervous to fall asleep…

"It's okay Tracy." He told me. "Flying is way safer than riding a car."

"I-I know."

I didn't feel very safe when the plane sped up towards the runway and then tipped backwards as we rose higher and higher in the air.

I felt less safe than ever when the plane shook around us and then leaned to the side.

"It's fine Tracy." Gav told me before I had the time to ask. "We're just turning… And if you expect the whole trip over the atlantics to be without turbulence then you're going to be proved way wrong… Just look at the flight attendants. As long as they're calm there's nothing to worry about… Now, I always sleep on planes and I haven't slept all night. But you just punch me in the face or something if you want to talk to me." I tensed again when the plane shook. "Relax Tracy."

That would have been easy for him to say, he probably had flown a hundred times before.

But still, when we had the big blue under us since long, Gav had fallen asleep and the attendants was calmly walking back and forth in the aisle I knew I had six or seven hours ahead of me in boredom unless I found something to do. And with that I found a movie to watch on the small screen in front of me, put headphones in my ears and ordered some bags of candy and a cola before I leaned back and let the Boeing take me all the way in between London and New York.

"Good morning." Gav didn't stir and rubbed his eyes until I had watched three movies in a row and then bent down over me. "We're getting closer now… So for the first time in your life you will be on another continent…"

Well, he was right about that. And I wasn't so sure how to feel about that.

"So what's it like? In New York I mean?"

"Well… There are a lot of buildings, a lot of very high buildings. And there are always a whole lot of very high cranes… Hmmm." He hesitated. "There are always a whole lot of tourists everywhere too… I honestly don't really know what it's like. I see it so much I don't know what it's like for someone like you."

Well, I was soon to find out anyway.

I could have jumped out of my skin when the plane suddenly dipped downwards and my hand gripped hard in Gav's arm.

"If we were going to crash the whole plane would tip forward, the flight attendants would start acting nervously, the cart they have would be rolling through the aisle on its own." Another dip that made my stomach turn. "We'll be landing in about twenty minutes. But of course…" The plane dipped downwards again. "We have to do that piece by piece."

I still could have jumped out of my skin every time the plane dipped but as the minutes went by I knew at least soon I would have my two feet on the ground again.

"You'll feel it when it hits the ground but then it's going to slow down right away and soon this will be over…"

I did feel it, alright?" I felt a thud and almost hit my head in the back of the seat in front of me. But just like Gav had said I felt the plane slowing down, and soon I was on my feet.

"Hang on for a minute." Gav told me. "Everyone are going to try getting out at once so we might as well wait a few seconds… The stairs that will take us from the plane and to the ground are a bit steep and weird so they're easy to fall in. Just take a few seconds longer and your first visit on this continent won't start with blood and tears..."

He just peered with his eyes and then took my hand.

"Better do that or we'll have lost each other in the crowd about ten seconds from now."

And he was probably right about that right because I had never met a place with so many people pushing me back in for as sin John F. Kennedy airport in New York…

I barely even knew still what was going on until we sat in a cab taking us from the airport and to the house Gav stated he lived in and where two very special people were waiting…

I had been into London and thought everything was big and crowded, but I realized now that was nothing compared to what New York City was like.

"So." At last the cab stopped outside a building that for me looked pretty much like most other buildings. "Here we are… How would you like going seventy-eight floors up? Stairs?"

I felt my chin drop- seventy-eight floors? How could I do this and how long would it take? Another lifetime of waiting?

"Just kidding. Of course, there's an elevator."

He led me through the bottom of the stairwell and with a nervous kind of smile he led me through it and into the elevator he had promised me there was.

As we were inside and went up and up and up I could see digital numbers over the doors. Half of me couldn't wait until it had reached 78. While another part of me wanted to get out of the elevator and run for my life.

"And here we go." At last we could step out in the stairwell and my dad opened the door to the left and held it open. "Feel free to keep your shoes on." I stepped in. "Welcome to my simple living. It's only got three bedrooms… but here we go… Your brothers are waiting in the kitchen… But if you'd rather meet them one at the time I could sort that out."

I couldn't find any words. So I just looked back at my dad and hoped he would understand. And he must have done because he gave a slight nod and pointed to the door opening to the kitchen.

"I'll leave you three to get to know each other. Or would you rather I come with you?"

"I…" I tried to swallow through my thick throat. "I'd like to go on my own."

I thought back to the photo Gav had given me. The one where I had first seen my brothers on. Trevor who had been nine and Tristan who had been two. When I saw the, now adult men in front of me they were still little kids that had been there when I was a newborn baby.

But I had grown up, and they had too, when I turned around the corner and came into the kitchen there were two adult men who sat by the table. Or- they had when I came in, all of a sudden they both stood and stared back at me.

As I came through the hallway in between the stove and the fridge the two boys in front of me had silent completely.

The two men ahead of me both had hair the same color as me and were more or less curly just like mine.

Had I seen these two out on the street would I ever have guessed they were as much my brothers. If I looked around on the street and spot them along with our dad would I keep looking at them?

Wherever had they been all my life?

I had never even known they existed. I had dreamt about having a dad somewhere- then there had been Mike and I had just never missed someone like Gav. But I couldn't have imagined I had brothers- let alone two…

But right here, in a small bedroom-apartment on the seventy-eighth floor in New York we were brought together for a lifetime of knowing each other at last.

Still, none of us said a word- I didn't know about my two brothers but I couldn't think of anything to say and the silence was made awkward and thick.

And then at last, after at least five minutes Trevor was the last one to break the silence.

"Last time I saw you, you were so little I could hold you in my arms."

**Random fact**

If I hear one more person tell me how safe flying is I might snap and… and I don't even know. I'm aviaphobic (afraid of airplanes and flying) and knowledge about how safe it is isn't going to help. I've already heard it a million times.


End file.
